8 women explain what it’s really like to date a bisexual man

Friday, December 14, 2018


There are so many ridiculous (and often v ignorant) myths and misconceptions surrounding bisexuality. And one of the most common comes from straight, non-trans women, who say they wouldn’t date a bi man.

Whether this is down to internalised bi/homophobia or just a complete lack of understanding, who knows. But the stigma is real people!

Here, women who’ve dated bisexual men explain what it’s actually like.

1.“It’s like dating anyone else. One was horrible and one was mediocre. This was because of their personalities, not because of their sexual preferences. I did ask about their past partners. This is because I am hella curious and nosy, not because they are bi, and I do it with straight partners too. If people don’t want to answer that’s fine, of course.”

2. “Same as a straight boyfriend really. He keeps pretty quiet about all of his exes, unless specifically asked, and keeps extremely quiet about any sexual acts he has done. I’ve had FWBs who were bi, and whether it was a different personality or the different level of the relationship, we talked a lot about sex, sex with different genders, and different aspects of that. From my experience FWBs are usually more open in talking about sexual pasts, as there isn’t the same comparison.”

3. “I’m bi too. It’s pretty refreshing to have a bi boyfriend because almost every straight guy I’ve been with has said something insensitive about bi women at some point. We’ve talked about our exes, but it isn’t in a bi-specific, ‘Oh lemme hear about your BI EXPERIENCES’ way.

4. “My boyfriend’s bi. but he’s never dated any men (we started dating five years ago when we were 15/16). Sometimes we talk about hot guys together. I wouldn’t say that his sexuality has much of an impact on our relationship.”

5. “I sometimes like hearing his stories. I think it makes him a better lover. I peg him, and seeing that side is such a turn on.”

6. “Like dating any other human being. I don’t nose into any sexual history, straight or not. Only difference is we can have relatable gripes about being bi, and the weird biphobia we encounter in the LGBT community.”

7. “I’ve dated one bi guy, but not for very long (he broke things off with me). It’s not really any different from dating a straight guy, IMO. I also read a lot of yaoi [Japanese fiction focusing on romance between men] in high school, but I didn’t want to fetishise his sexuality, so I didn’t press for details.”

8. “It’s the same as dating any guy. My bf told me on the second date, just in case I thought it might be a ‘deal breaker’, but it wasn’t. I don’t care at all. He is welcome to tell me about former lovers, or to not. Whatever.”

I'm not dating her so you can have a threesome

Friday, December 14, 2018


I’m bi and I’m polyamorous; which makes life in my small town both very interesting and extremely frustrating for many reasons. For example, when I’m seeking out same-sex partners, I encourage them to build other relationships or even actively seek out partners who already have established, healthy relationships because I already have that, and one of the reasons that this endeavor becomes so frustrating is due to the culture that surrounds bi women in my area. We’re a curiosity instead of actual people and this leads to all kinds of situations.

Recently, I have come to the realization that my brand of polyamory is far from the norm in my small town. I haven’t actually met many people who have even had experience with the poly lifestyle, but I’m always more than willing to open that door for people because I think it’s far more healthy for most than monogamy. That’s just a personal belief I hold.

Many times when I’m talking to a potential partner, I’m thrilled to find out they already have a stable relationship, and that their existing partner is enthusiastic about them seeking out new partners. Recently, I’ve been looking for another woman who probably already has a primary male partner. I’ve also been forced to learn that when their partner says they’re “okay with it” they mean they’re okay with the interactions as long as they will eventually get something out of it. I’m not here to judge whatever way anyone chooses to live their life, not at all, but I am also not here to entertain my girlfriend’s boyfriend. That just doesn’t do it for me.

I’ve recently had this lesson driven home. Like many people do, I met a woman through mutual friends of mutual friends on a social media site. When you live in a tiny town where nothing happens, it can be hard to meet people through more traditional means, and making friends through social media is as good as making them in real life. So, this woman and I started talking, and we clicked instantly. She told me about her life, her family, and the fact that she has a boyfriend with whom she’s already discussed the possibility of another partner for her. For me, this was the perfect scenario. We decided to meet up on her day off, and it went really well.

By the next time we met, we’d been talking for a while and I felt I understood her relationship dynamic. Her boyfriend is a musician. He travels a bit for shows which means they don’t get to see each other much, but they’re doing their best to make it work. That’s never easy, but I’m happy she seems to be happy with him. She asked while we were on our unofficial date if he could stop by at some point before he heads upstate for a show. I never want to take time away from other partners, so of course I said he could stop by and even suggested he hang out if he had time. We were already hanging out with my friends for movie night, so there was no reason he shouldn’t.

This is where the red flags started popping up. He showed up, and was immediately giving off some very unpleasant vibes. She was visibly upset by what he said to her, and after he left she told me that after a year together, this was their first real fight. It turned out that his condition for her dating me was that he would be shown pictures of anything that happened between us, or that if he is in town he wanted to participate. Now let me say, I’m not unequivocally opposed to group sex. What I am directly opposed to is it being a condition of my relationship. That is not what I am seeking, and not being upfront about wanting a threesome is definitely not okay.

This was the first of many incidents over the course of a month where he showed that he considered same-sex female relationships to be a show designed for his pleasure. But here’s the deal: I’m not anyone’s fetish, and my attraction to women is genuine, not a kink or display for other people. My interactions with my partners are not meant to be that, and I’ve learned not to put up with things of that nature. Eventually his behavior/demands made me back off.

Now, I don’t want this to come off as me complaining about my dating woes. I am in a happy relationship and continue to seek out partners who mesh well with the life I already have. This is still a frustratingly common story. With as many times as this type of thing has happened to me I figure it must be happening to other people in my dating bracket. My attempts to build a relationship with someone are often blocked or controlled or manipulated by their existing partners, and it’s almost exclusively a problem when I try to date women. It is almost always the straight male partners of these women who try to sneak a threesome into the equation.

Let’s be honest, I have no idea why so many straight men seem to have these fantasies about threesomes. So I’m going to say something controversial. A threesome is not, in its own nature, inherently better than two person sex. In fact, it’s usually messier, requires everyone is pretty comfortable with everyone else, and it’s far more difficult to make sure everyone is pleased with the experience. Yes, some folks enjoy them. I am one of them, and I am very much an advocate for exploring your sexuality and finding what does it for you. That’s completely acceptable in my book. I am in no way trying to shame someone for that being their fantasy, but you shouldn’t be manipulating your girlfriend and her attraction to other women to get what you want.

I do NOT want to see people using their partners as pawns to get access to that because it isn’t healthy for anyone involved. All sexual encounters require consent, and that consent can only be given when all of the information is honestly given. If the fantasy of a threesome is the only reason you are open to polyamory, then I would suggest sitting your partner down and talking with them about wanting a threesome. Discuss your fantasies, your fears, and your hopes rather than playing a game and hoping that you can “trick” your girlfriend into a threesome. The latter method tends to end in heartbreak and anger.

Why You Should Consider Having a Threesome

Tuesday, December 6, 2018


Bisexuality is a widely misunderstood sexual orientation about which there are numerous myths and stereotypes. In light of this, I thought it would be useful to put together an article that explores some of the key findings that scientists have uncovered to date about bisexuality that are not only informative, but can also speak to some of the biggest misperceptions about it.

1. Bisexuality is real, and it’s not the same as being gay or lesbian. A lot of people deny the existence of bisexuality and assume that everyone who identifies as bisexual is secretly gay; however, the results of several studies reveal that bisexuality involves a distinct pattern of sexual interest and arousal compared to homosexuality. As some support for this idea, consider a study in which participants viewed photos of men and women while researchers surreptitiously recorded how long they spent looking at each one. The results revealed that bisexual persons spent similar amounts of time looking at photos of both sexes, whereas gays and lesbians spent far longer looking at photos of their desired sex. Likewise, other research has found that bisexual men exhibit high levels of genital and psychological arousal in response to both sexes, whereas gay men only show strong arousal in response to men.

2. Women are more likely to identify as bisexual than men. The results of several national U.S. surveys have consistently found that more women than men identify as bisexual. For example, according to the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 2.6% of men identified as bisexual compared to 3.6% of women. Other studies have reported much larger differences (for example, see page 32 of this report from the CDC that summarizes the findings from several surveys). This could reflect greater societal acceptance of bisexuality among women, or (as some scientists have argued) it could be a reflection of women’s greater erotic plasticity. It is also worth noting that the percentage of American men and women who identify as bisexual appears to be on the rise in recent years. This doesn't necessarily mean that bisexuality itself is increasing; rather, it probably reflects growing comfort with acknowledging this identity.

3. Bisexuals experience prejudice from heterosexual persons, as well as gays and lesbians. Bisexual persons are frequently the targets of prejudice, particularly bisexual men. They are often stereotyped as being sexually confused and highly promiscuous. However, such biphobia or binegativity doesn’t just come from heterosexual people—it also comes from the gay and lesbian community. As just one example of this, both gay and heterosexual individuals report relatively low willingness to become romantically involved with bisexual persons.

4. Bisexual people do not necessarily have higher sex drives than everyone else. One of the most common stereotypes about bisexuals is that they are an extremely horny bunch. However, a 2007 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior that featured a sample of over 200,000 participants revealed that bisexuals have sex drives that are pretty similar to everyone else. Specifically, sex drive scores (rated on a 7-point scale) were 5.47, 5.28, and 5.26 for heterosexual, bisexual, and gay men, respectively. By contrast, the numbers were 4.51, 4.91, and 4.60 for heterosexual, bisexual, and lesbian women, respectively. As you can see, within a given gender group, the sex drive differences between persons of different sexual orientations were quite small and likely of little to no practical significance.

5. Being bisexual does not necessarily mean that you are equally attracted to both men and women. Being bisexual involves a capacity for attraction to men and women, but attraction to each sex does not necessarily have to be equally strong. For instance, research has found that bisexual men usually demonstrate more genital arousal to one sex over the other, although the direction of the effect is inconsistent (i.e., some show more arousal to women, others to men). Research on bisexual women has found that they do not exhibit equal levels of arousal to both sexes either. Some bisexual persons may indeed experience equally high attraction to men and women, but equal attraction should not be considered an essential or defining feature of bisexuality.

Bisexual Dating Tips

Tuesday, December 6, 2018


Before you read the following tips and find out how to date a bisexual woman, the main thing you should understand from the very beginning is that her bisexuality is real, and there is no cure.

1. Some girls have soul wound due to their identity. Many bisexual girls have gone through awful relationships and have both physical and psychological scars. 63% of bisexual girls have been stalked, sexually and physically assaulted by their partners during their relationships. Most abusers are heterosexual men who use stereotypes about bisexual women as excuses for abusive behavior. So, if you want to be involved in bisexual women dating, you should try to be more patient, tender, and understanding.

2. Don’t make her choose one. If you are afraid that your girlfriend will start cheating on you with a mere stranger regardless of their gender, you shouldn’t even think about dating someone who is bisexual. If a girl is bisexual, it doesn’t mean that she is going to break up with you or cheat on you because of her insatiable drive for sex. Your insecurities are only your issues. It’s hard to wear two hats.

3. Don’t make judgments about her sexual experience. This is one of the moments which are taboo when you are going to date a bisexual girl. Slut-shaming is one of the worst things you can do, especially in the context of dating a woman with non-standard sexual preference. Often, bisexual women are blamed for being promiscuous, but it’s not the absolute truth for everyone. Some women have a long list of sexual partners of both genders while others have been in a sexual relationship only with several representatives of one gender.

4. Don’t be afraid to screw up. So many men who want to register on bisexual women dating site restrain their desire because of the fear of failure when it comes to sex. They are afraid that their experience will not comply with a woman’s expectations when they are engaged in non-penetrative activities. Often, the girls’ past puts pressure on men, and they feel like competing with all the ex-partners they have never met. They believe that all bisexual women are the queens of cunnilingus, and ordinary men cannot compete with them. However, such fears are groundless, and the more you worry, the less pleasure you will bring to your partner.

5. Don’t expect too much. How to date a bisexual girl? When you are going to date a bisexual girl, you should set some ground rules and discuss expectations in advance. For some women, a relationship with a man as well as their feelings to him may be new, and they might not have explored them yet. If you are also bisexual then you will have a greater understanding of her state but if you are on the other side of the fence, but you still want to attract a bisexual girl and make her like you, then be ready that she might not want to start a committed relationship.

Why You Should Consider Having a Threesome

Tuesday, October 30, 2018


It’s one of the most common, intense fantasies of both men and women, particularly amongst married couples: group sex. By placing so much cultural currency on the notion of monogamous relationships, we created the taboo of sleeping with another person. This historically resulted in marital infidelity, but that is beginning to change. There has been a rise in polyamory in millennials (myself included) and, whether it’s because of that new openness or in spite of it, the erotic allure of a ménage à trois is as powerful as ever.

And the idea of having one scared the shit out of me.

If I’m being perfectly honest, until the last few years, the notion of a threesome was really intimidating to me. For a long time, I was of the mindset that I had to perform, to guarantee that my partner had a good time before anything else. Being responsible for doing that with two people at once was petrifying. It made me more anxious that it ever did aroused.

And yet.

And yet I have found myself in several relationships over the years with people who explicitly brought up the possibility of having a threesome. And recently, I reached a point in my personal growth where I was comfortable with the idea, where I have learned that everyone will have more fun if I just relax. So when my partner developed a crush on someone and then dropped some high-key hints that we should hang out, all three of us let things follow their natural course of development.

Then it happened.

I had just gotten back into town after travelling, and both my partner and her crush were going to finish work late. This was several days after having had a phone call with the two of them in between them fooling around, so we had a pretty comfortable idea of boundaries in mind. My partner’s crush finished work first, so she and I met in person for the first time after only having spoken online and on the phone for a few days. We ended up really hitting it off, and even made plans to start hanging out more. Things went so well that we both messaged my partner and told her to come to my place when she finished her shift.

Her crush and I went to my place after stopping to pick up a can of Monster for her. We didn’t waste much time starting with the foreplay, and any discomfort at how relatively little we knew each other did not last. After about an hour, my partner arrived, with a can of Redbull to pep herself up. Maybe it was because all three of us were feeling warmed up and ready to go, but everything that happened next felt wonderfully natural. We flowed between two of us kissing all over the third, one person pulling someone’s hair while the other went down on them, or just rotating out to watch and get a drink to stay hydrated. What would have given me heart palpitations a few years prior ended up being a perfectly pleasant evening for three people who were all attracted to each other.

So would I recommend doing this in your relationship? Honestly, yeah. Even if you have no interest in having a non-monogamous relationship regularly, it’s worth indulging each other and experimenting. It lets two people who might have fallen into comfortable and safe habits try something new that they might have always been interested in, but were afraid to bring up. Some people worry about jealousy factoring in, or that it could lead to one partner becoming unhappy and ending the relationship. And that is possible. But for it to be possible, there would need to be pre-existing problems in the relationship, whether the people involved were aware of them or not. If you feel that you have a strong, healthy relationship, then you have nothing to fear.

So don’t be afraid to get a little freaky with your bae—you just might like it.

Having a threesome: what are the unwritten rules?

Tuesday, October 30, 2018


In a relationship? Nice one. So you're done with Tinder, and your history on Bi3some is shelved alongside the sex memoirs… does that mean you're out of the game? Not at all. Enter threesomes.

For those who fancy a threesome, there are ways to go about this- for example, apps like Bicupid that promise to hook couples up with willing singles for drinks and maybe more. Like other dating apps, it doesn't of course do the hard work for you. Being momentarily attracted to someone who's available is one thing - negotiating that attraction, and sustaining it? Quite another.

And while threesomes are one of the top fantasies for women (not to mention men), they're also famous for causing problems in established relationships. Especially for people who are used to being monogamous and not having to negotiate the shoals of jealousy that can crop up unexpectedly when you have a partner with someone else… even if it's only for one night.

One of the biggest unexamined assumptions about sex and relationships is that you don't need to communicate anything to get it right. And the corollary, that talking about sex "kills the mood". These assumptions do enough damage to twosomes as it is, so don't fall into the trap of thinking that a three-way mutual attraction - even no-strings fun - doesn't also need people to hammer out some ground rules and boundaries.

For instance it would be easy to mistake fantasy for reality, and assume that because your partner fantasises about threesomes during sex with you, that it's 'totes OK' to pick someone up and bring them home unannounced.

Go ahead, just try it. Let me know how that works out for you. Once you've finished dodging the thrown glasses and slammed doors.

Another assumption is that because one partner fancies someone, the other one will too, as well. Maybe now actually is not the best time to discover that your other half has "a thing" for Bill Murray impersonators and just assumed you knew and were cool with that.

OK, so you checked your assumptions and kept the lines of communication open, now what? The other big trip-up is assuming that once something is negotiated, that the rules can't change. Maybe your partner has never had a threesome, thought they would be cool with it, but now it's really happening is not down with watching you get it on with someone else.

Or maybe they get very into it and decide they'd like to take things up a notch, beyond the boundaries discussed beforehand. Either way: re-negotiation should always be on the table.

If you're still keen to give it a go, then consider downloading a copy of the well-known polyamory manifesto, The Ethical Slut, alongside that app, and being prepared to that consider no plans are likely to survive first contact.

Mindful Sex: The Threesome

Tuesday, October 9, 2018


My first threesome involved a lot of Captain Morgan’s Spiced Rum and a mattress on the floor. It was fun, sloppy, and we all had a good time. After that my triad sexual experiences were all heavily supported by the use of alcohol. Sometimes they were the result of wanting to get physical with someone other than my partner, but not wanting to cheat. I always woke up the next morning feeling a little confused, a little guilty, and a lot hung-over. I never really had to deal with the politics of a threesome, and certainly not the complex feelings that can arise, because I was not actually present. I also missed out on how fun and sexy it can be to have an extra set of hands in the mix, or to watch your partner exploring another body.

Today I like to show up for everything, including my sex life. And let me tell you, fully experiencing a threesome is way better than drunkenly fumbling though one. Mindfulness can expand in all directions of life, including new sexual adventures. The more you bring your practice into every aspect of your day, the more you have the potential to lead an awakened life. I always talk about how the very challenging times are incredibly ripe for spiritual growth, but so are the fun, very sexy times. A new sexual experience, such as a ménage à trois, offers a smorgasbord of sensory and mental activity. If you get mindful about it, a threesome can be a spiritual path of it’s own. Just to be clear, your sex life being a spiritual path does not necessarily have equal some sort of new age explosion of “spirituality.” It can still be dirty, wild, and fun. Everything is a spiritual path and in my experience that path keeps getting more simple and ordinary every day. And sexier too.

There are, however, unique challenges and negotiations involved with bringing a third person into the bedroom. If you are considering inviting someone to join you and your partner, a mindful approach will make all the difference in taking it from fun to really fun. Here are a few tips for making your threesome fantasy a reality that doesn’t require a bottle of rum:

One of my teachers, Shinzen Young, talks about making your romantic relationship a monastery. Do this in all ways, including trying new things in the bedroom. Remember to really show up for all of it, each moan, tingle, and quiver. Who said being mindful couldn’t involve multiple people having multiple orgasms?

I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND, BUT I WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME

Tuesday, October 9, 2018


The dilemma I’m in a sweet, monogamous relationship with my girlfriend. We’re in our early 40s. She’s beautiful and we have a happy sex life. But I’m also fascinated by her friend, who leads a libertine lifestyle. I keep thinking about threesomes and other kinky games. I love my girlfriend, but I find other women attractive, too.

I’m loyal and I’d never cheat, but my promiscuous imagination is hard to repress – it comes out in pillow talk and in jokes and innuendos. My girlfriend has a good sense of humour and says it’s just the nature of my sexuality, the same way it would be if I was gay. But it hurts her feelings and it’s coming between us. My old Catholic sensibility says it’s a sin and I should fight it. What do you think? Am I a male pig trying to have his cake and eat it? How do I pursue my happiness without hurting the woman I love?